At the top of most parents’ worries when their children first go to school is bullying, but the playground isn’t the only place where toxic and concerning behaviour can emerge.
A WhatsApp chat of parents seems innocent on the surface but, according to testimonies from parents across the nation, they are a place where clique conduct and humiliation run rife.
In a recent exclusive interview with MailOnline one mother, who wished to remain anonymous, revealed how she had been called a ‘s***’ in a parents WhatsApp chat.
Likening them to ‘school bullying’, she divulged that she was repeatedly left out by other mums, who wouldn’t invite her to meet-ups, to the point where she would ‘question herself’.
Elsewhere in Hertfordshire, a community of parents was left horrified when two parents were arrested after it emerged they had been complaining about the teacher recruitment process at their daughter’s primary school.
Times Radio producer Maxie Allen and his partner Rosalind Levine were locked in a cell for eleven hours after making the remarks, in a move the father-of-two described as ‘dystopian’.
After a five-week investigation, Hertfordshire Constabulary finally concluded there was no case to answer.
And now as schools across the UK ask lawyers to draw up codes of conduct to help police parent WhatsApp groups in a bid to reel parents in, some have revealed the true extent of the toxicity – where even teachers and children are named and shamed.
Times Radio producer Maxie Allen and his partner Rosalind Levine were arrested on suspicion of harassment and malicious communications after complaining about a teacher recruitment process at their daughters school
Schools are now asking lawyers to draw up codes of conduct to help police parent WhatsApp groups
A mother, who posted anonymously on Mumsnet, recalled how parents began hurling vile comments and ‘ripping [a teacher’s] character to shreds’ because the educator gave a child a poor mark on a test.
The chaos was sparked by a parent, who had taken a swipe at the young tutor for her child’s poor performance, arguing that the questions were ‘ambiguous’ and ‘badly worded’, branding the teacher ‘an idiot’.
And when another parent pointed out it was ‘inappropriate’ to discuss her child’s teacher in such a way, citing it undermines the school authority, she was brutally shunned by the chat.
‘Several other women started having a go at me also stating concerns with the teacher due to her harsh marking and strictness,’ the woman wrote.
‘They said the WhatsApp group was the place to discuss concerns about the teacher and if I did not like it, I could leave the group.’
She also noted several other vulgar comments about the teacher, including comments about the educator ‘need[ing] a good s**g’, as well as jibes that said: ‘She looks like a frump’.
Torn between the advantages of the group, such as staying informed on last minute school trip changes and more, and telling the teacher, the mother feared creating a ‘bad feeling’ between the mothers and the school.
‘I also don’t know what it would achieve if I broach this with the school but I think that undermining a teacher is not the most appropriate use of the WhatsApp parents group,’ she added.
Elsewhere, another distressed mother was on the verge of reporting her WhatsApp class’ chat which includes other parents from her son’s primary school.
In a similar tale, a group of guardians took an ‘immense’ dislike to a year six teacher, who they believed was ‘expecting too much’ from their children on an upcoming grammar test.
They took issue with the educator raising her voice with the students, warning them they could fail their upcoming exams.
According to a parent, who was involved in the group chat, others began to ‘pile on’ the teacher, with the witch-hunt taking a nasty turn and another threatening to take the teacher on legally for ‘gross misconduct’.
‘I thought it would blow over and didn’t really want to get involved so kept my head down and didn’t comment either way,’ the concerned mother penned to the parenting advice site.
‘One parent seems hell bent on rallying the troops to get this teacher out, she has accused the teacher of gross misconduct, emotional abuse and is threatening legal action.
‘I wonder whether I should inform the school,’ she added: ‘I come from a family of teachers so this may be clouding my vision.’
More than four in five school leaders say they have been abused by parents in the past year, a survey conducted by the National Association of Head Teachers (NHAT) has revealed
Verbal abuse was the most common suffered with 85 percent of school leaders saying they had experienced this in the past year.
Nearly half of educators said they experienced online abuse, with over a fifth having suffered discriminatory language.
Paul Whiteman, general secretary of school leaders’ union NAHT, said: ‘There is never any place for abuse of teachers, school leaders or any school staff by parents, but it is something our members tell us has increased in recent years.
‘We have heard reports of trolling on social media and in parent groups on WhatsApp and Facebook, as well as appalling instances of hate campaigns and harassment and intimidation.
‘While this abuse is perpetrated by a small minority of parents, it is completely unacceptable, and can have an enormous impact upon dedicated professionals trying to focus on delivering the best possible education for children.
‘Schools will not always get everything right, but concerns should always be raised respectfully, and where they cannot be resolved all schools have complaints processes.
‘We need the government to send a clear signal to parents that abuse – whether in person or on social media – will not be tolerated.’
But teachers aren’t the only ones to receive flack in the world of school WhatsApp chats, some parents have had their child publicly humiliated in front of an entire group of caregivers.
A mother divulged how another parent, who also works at the school, shamed her young child by pointing out she had caused another child’s concussion.
The conversation began with a caregiver of the injured child asking how to treat the bump on her child’s head after the incident at school.
However a staff member, who supervises the children at lunch, took it upon herself to share the name of the woman’s daughter who had caused the young boy’s concussion.
The girl’s mother asked the parenting platform: ‘Is she allowed to do this? Would this be a breach in confidentiality?
‘I’m upset not only because I found out about this incident this way, but that this could have an impact on my child’s reputation,’ she said whilst sharing that both children involved were ‘best friends’.
Other mums have taken to TikTok to warn others of the clique nature of such group chats, urging parents to avoid them altogether.
‘Don’t join the WhatsApp groups. Stay out of it,’ Leanne Grant told her following of 28,700 TikTok followers.
While acknowledging the benefits, such as quick communication and information about her child’s school, that came with the chats, she also unveiled the power struggles that go on behind the scenes between parents.
Discussing her experience in a Parent Teacher Association (PTA) group, she said: ‘One time, head of the PTA sent a message into the group, in capital letters…basically shouting at us all saying ‘Some of you lot aren’t contributing enough.’
‘And I said “hey not me getting shouted at by a woman I don’t even know.” There were loads of people in this WhatsApp group who had never spoken before and when they got that message everybody rose up.’
She added: ‘Safe to say that lady who sent that text was no longer in charge of the PTA after that message, she stepped down.’
Daniel Kebede, General Secretary of the National Education Union: ‘WhatsApp groups can throw up some tricky issues for school leaders, although they can be really useful to publicise school news like fundraising or school events.
‘What’s key is that dialogue between parents and schools must be respectful. While parents will find WhatsApp groups useful, they aren’t the way to resolve concerns that families may have.
‘Schools always have clear procedures for dealing with parental questions or concerns about the school and these should be used, not whats app.
‘Resolution though the correct channels is to the benefit of all and it’s not good for children or young people if an individual situation is discussed publically”.
Last March, Times Producer Maxie Allen and his partner Rosalind Levine were held in a police cell for eleven hours on suspicion of harassment and malicious communications after a ‘trivial’ dispute.
The couple had complained about recruitment process of a new headteacher at the primary school attended by their eldest daughter.
In their messages, the couple were disparaging of the hunt for a new head led by Jackie Spriggs, the chairman of governors.
CCTV shows six uniformed police officers descending on their suburban home before they were led away in front of their crying daughter.
After a five-week investigation, Hertfordshire Constabulary finally concluded there was no case to answer.
Ms Levine wrote in the WhatsApp group: ‘Can you imagine what the ‘action’ is? Hello, 999, one of the school mums said something mean about me in a school mum WhatsApp group. Please can you arrest them?’
Mr Allen chipped in and wrote: ‘No public body has the power to control what people say about it.’
Another parent replied: ‘This should be a safe group where parents feel free to speak and share opinions about how they feel about the school and its actions and activities, nothing more or less, end of story.’
Supporting her view, another parent wrote: ‘Everyone’s talking about it in the playground as well. It’s ridiculous.’
Friends of a couple have spoken of their ‘shock and anger’ at the couple’s arrest for comments made in the WhatsApp group.
‘Don’t join the WhatsApp groups. Stay out of it,’ Leanne Grant (pictured) told her following of 28,700 TikTok followers.
One fellow mother-of-two, a former member of the same WhatsApp group, told MailOnline: ‘I was utterly shocked when I heard that Maxie and Ros had been arrested – it was a hysterical reaction to the situation and I simply couldn’t believe it.
‘I’ve known Ros for six years and she’s the nicest person I know. They are both lovely, reasonable people, and for anyone thinking there must be more to this – there really isn’t.
‘There was nothing in those WhatsApp messages to take offence at – last time I checked, people are allowed to voice their concerns and criticisms without being arrested in this country.’
Mr Allen, 50, a Times Radio producer, has branded the police action ‘dystopian’ and a ‘massive overreach’, and accused Cowley Hill Primary School of trying to ‘silence awkward parents’.
Now, schools have asked lawyers to draw up codes of conduct to help police parent the groups.
The Employment Rights Bill, which is currently being debated in the House of Lords, could make employers liable if they do not take ‘all reasonable steps’ to protect their staff from harassment.
Such a measure may mean that teachers can sue their employer if they receive abuse in parent WhatsApp groups.
To prevent possibly having to pay-out to suing employees, schools are now reportedly rushing to have lawyers draw up codes of conduct for the online chats.
It is thought that concern is growing amongst headteachers that they could actually be found liable if parent WhatsApp groups are used to spread false rumours or racist and homophobic abuse about staff.
And those concerns have arisen when teachers are usually not even a part of these WhatsApp groups, which are routinely made by parents of pupils often in classes together.
Head of the education group at the country’s leading law firm, Mischon de Reya, told The Times that both independent and state schools have sought his company’s advice over the possibility of drawing up a code of conduct for parent groups.
‘Schools are very concerned about the impact on staff and being held liable, for what’s been said in class WhatsApp groups and are implementing codes of conduct for parents.
‘If a parent WhatsApp group was creating an intimidating or hostile environment for a teacher, for example horrendously homophobic statements, the school would in theory be expected to do something about it.’
As well as abusive exchanges, concerns have arisen over the possible spread of misinformation on these WhatsApp chats.
History teacher Vanessa Brown said she suffered ‘unspeakable devastation and trauma’ after she was left to stew in a policy custody cell for more than seven hours
Alistair Wood, chief executive of Edapt, which also offers legal support for teachers, said: ‘We frequently support staff where issued have escalated after misinformation or misunderstanding shared online.
‘These situations can quickly erode trust and take significant time for school leaders to resolve, drawing them away from their core role of running the school.’
It comes after mother of two was left to stew in a police custody cell for more than seven hours after she confiscated two iPads belonging to her children – and was accused of theft.
Vanessa Brown, a 50-year-old history teacher, revealed the ‘unspeakable devastation and trauma’ she suffered after being taken to Staines police station.
Ms Brown was searched and had custody photographs and fingerprints taken after taking away her daughters’ devices in an attempt to ensure they were not distracted from their studies.
Surrey Police, who also visited the children’s school, pulling one of Ms Brown’s daughters out of class, have since acknowledged their error. The force said they swooped after getting a report of an alleged theft from a man in his 40s.
Ms Brown was apprehended at her mother’s home in Cobham, Surrey. Officers said a tracking device showed the iPads were at the address and she was ‘detained after refusing to cooperate.’
She was eventually returned home, only after a 12-hour ordeal that, due to her bail conditions, threatened to prevent her from seeing her children on Mother’s Day.
‘I find it quite traumatic even talking about this now,’ Ms Brown told LBC.
‘They were able to send a police car with police officers to my children’s school, they were able to send another police car or two to arrest me.
‘I know people are making reports of thefts, of assaults and very violent crimes in and around our neighbourhood, and they’re not getting a response for days.
‘I cannot get to the bottom of why it was done in such a quick turnaround, maybe less than an hour – all these police cars and police officers going to an address over a completely false report of a theft.’
She said the heavy-handed approach of police, who took more than 24 hours from the moment she was arrested to inform her that no further action would be taken, had left her in a ‘catatonic state’.
Ms Brown was held at Staines police station, above, after a report concerning two stolen two iPads. In fact, the devices belonged to her children, from whom she had confiscated them
‘At no point did they think to themselves, ‘Oh, this is a little bit of an overreaction,” said Ms Brown. ‘It was thoroughly unprofessional. They were speaking to my mother, who is in her 80s, like she was a criminal.’
The Tory MP Anthony Stansfeld, the former police and crime commissioner for Thames Valley, called on police to apologise for their inexpert handling of the incident.
‘It seems to me incompetence and a certain amount of overzealousness at a junior level, which the local inspector should have put a rapid stop to,’ he said.
‘It was quite unnecessary to put a reputable 50-year-old history teacher into a cell for seven hours.
‘It’s hardly likely that she would have absconded abroad and I would hope that the chief constable goes and apologises personally to the poor lady.’
Ms Brown has been involved in fraught disputes with two different men in recent years after relationships broke down, it’s understood, including the father of her children.
She is head of Theology, Philosophy and Ethics at school close to her home in Cobham, Surrey where she has lived for almost 20 years.
As well as her own two daughters she has two step-sons and a number of pets.
She is a keen rugby player and registered at her local club.
‘A tracking device on the iPads showed that they were at the address and a 50-year-old woman from Cobham was arrested on suspicion of theft,’ said the spokesperson.
‘A search was then carried out using post-arrest powers and the iPads were located.
‘The woman was subsequently released on conditional bail while further enquiries were carried out.
‘The police bail conditions included not speaking to her daughters, who were connected to the investigation, while officers carried out their enquiries.
‘Following these enquiries, officers discovered that the iPads belonged to the woman’s children and that she was entitled to confiscate items from her own children.’